You (I) just joined a gym. You have fabulous intentions to do all the things and you have convinced yourself that group fitness will solve all your life problems and give you an ass that looks like a peach. But actually WTF is a PUMP class? Why is AQUA MAX different to AQUA FIT. Why is that woman wearing fingerless gloves? Is that a requirement of this class and if so may I be excused because I am not prepared for that. What have I gotten myself into.
Does that sound familiar? Yes? no? what the fuck are you on about Julia no one thinks like that its just you. Well whether you want it or not – I’ve decided to review the group fitness classes I’ve started going to to help you (me) figure what they’re all about. Please note; I am of a moderate to uninterested fitness level. I swore off group fitness in 2012 when I tried out a step class and nearly took an eye out with my knee.
POUND fit – group fitness class
What a name – “pound fit”
Googling that was a real Pandoras box.
Anyway – Its a class inspired by drumming so you use weighted drumsticks and “instead of listening to music – you become the music”
It requires excellent coordination and no shame. There is this move where you lay on your back then lift your butt off the floor and open your legs simultaneously (they assure me its called pound because of the drumsticks) and then you have to do it DOUBLE TIME.
Luckily my face was already bright red from the warm up.
This is not a workout for the faint hearted but can be done at any level as there loads of modified moves.
If you’re like me – instead of counting 5,6,7,8 like the instructor; you look like you’re doing more of a 3,7,24,19 but its OK because no body is watching you – all eyes are on the instructor – if you take your eyes off her for a second, you’re fucked – so stay focused.
It is a sweat fest. Glamour is not catered for here.
There is plenty of opportunity – and it is encouraged – to aggressively smash your drumsticks on the floor and release the frustrations of the week –
*smash* fuck you washing machine thats on the blink and doesnt wash my shit properly
*smash* fuck you judgy mcjudgerson at the chemist who commented on my sons lack of footwear
*smash* WHY DONT PEOPLE USE THEIR INDICATORS MORE
*SMASH* the patriarchy
Its extremely therapeutic and I would highly recommend it when you’re at the PMS level of “your breathing is fucking irritating”
It really gets the rage out.
What else…. what else…
Wear a good sports bra because there’s some light (heavy) bouncing. You don’t need shoes which means you don’t have to find your gym shoes – no excuses. The soundtrack is pretty good – real music not the Beatles on speed. Take water and go more than once. Honestly, it gets easier and its so much fun. Everybody sucks. No one knows what the fuck they’re doing. You’re all in this together. Viva the uncoordinated! At the end of each track everyone looks around at each other with purple faces and an expression like “fuck me I didn’t know I could get my leg up that high” and you mentally high five but not actually high five because your arms don’t work any more.
They repeat the same class for about 6 weeks at a time so you have heaps of time to learn the moves before they change it up on you and you’re back to looking like a giraffe on ice. Embrace it. Its half the fun and “fun” would definitely be my #1 word for describing it. I’m pretty hooked and I really don’t get hooked on much that’s not from a bakery.
Dont plan too much for the following 48 hours because youre gonna feel this everywhere (and I do mean everywhere)
13/10 would definitely recommend you give it a try.